I have sought it(love), next. Because it relieves loneliness—that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss.
--From What I Have Lived For, by Bertrand Russell

This is a sentence from What I Have Lived For, which Russell wrote for his autobiography. I rarely read his books before, but I like this preface very much. It affected and inspired me. I like every word of it.

I dislike loneliness, to the core! Probably no one really likes it. Loneliness often made me sad, speechless, helpless, hopeless. It felt like a desperate thing, which could make me do something crazy.

Sometimes, I stayed up all night, worrying about some unseen things. Sometimes, I watched various videos hour after hour laying in the bed, even didn't want to get up for a meal. And also, I had felt the feeling as Russell described that one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. What the hell is it!

I don't know what I live for, but I hope to find it.